- Repeat words – I find that when I repeat things the person I’m talking to says, it helps me not only clarify the content but it keeps me from drifting away into my own thoughts.
- Turn off all distractions – Conference calls are the worst. I’m not a fan. But they are an essential part of business today. So when I am on a call … I power down my computer, I close my iPad, I put my phone on silent, I turn down my music. Then I get out a pad of paper, a pen … and listen.
- Take notes – When conducting face to face meetings, nothing shows someone that you are engaged in what they have to say, than when you take notes. Also, unless you have the memory of an elephant, notes help you retain information. So it’s a win win. Same with conference calls. A pen and paper can help you stay focused.
- Ask questions – Seek first to understand! I keep this quote in my office. Questions are critical, because if you don’t truly understand, then you will mis-communicate. And it could set off a chain of really bad events. Never be afraid to ask questions. It shows you are engaged.
- Slow down – I constantly have to tell myself that if I really want to learn and listen, I need to slow down. I find that when I can slow all the thoughts down in my head, I am no longer in a hurry and can enjoy the person I’m in a conversation with.
- Set reminders – I love a good quote! My office is filled with great reminders and quotes to keep me motivated. Find words that mean something to you about what it means to listen, and put them up around your home or your office to remind you to listen!
- Ask for help – Let people know your working on this. Have them hold you accountable and you do the same for them! Support helps … so use the people closest to you … you can all work on it together!
- Remember how good you feel when YOU are listened to – I always think of my favorite listeners and how good they make me feel … I want to be that person to someone … so I strive to make it a goal.
8 ways to become a better listener!
“I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares one common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’” – Oprah Winfery
When I sat down to write this post I thought … ugh … here we go … listening. For me, it’s the HARDEST of all the lmprov rules on my list. However, it’s probably the MOST critical of all the rules. If we do not listen … and I mean REALLY listen … We lose the respect of others, we lose the interest of others and we lose our sense of learning.
I will never forget the first time I went blank on stage. In Improv we don’t have scripts … there are no memorized lines. All we have is the other actor(s) we are on stage with, our eyes and our ears. Listening is a CRITICAL part of how Improv works. My only job when up there is to react to and build upon the last thing that was said. If you are not listening … you will bomb … quickly.
So there I was, on stage in a scene … I was NOT in the moment, NOT listening and too busy thinking about what I’d say next. As soon as I was asked something … I froze … I realized I had NO clue what she asked me and NO clue where we were in the scene. So I made something up and tried to be funny which bombed. It was brutal.
Now, looking back at that moment … it was a gift. I learned VERY quickly how important listening was to Improvising. Nothing else mattered but that.
This Improv lesson has absolutely translated over into my business and personal life. I really started paying attention to it. When I listened? When I didn’t? The triggers? What could I do to stay focused? Over the last year I’ve come up with some ways to really help me listen. I’d love to share them with you.
Comments
4 responses to “8 ways to become a better listener!”
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You’re so right Judi! Over the years I’ve learned to practice what I call “the rule of three.” When I’m meeting someone new, or just catching up with an old friend, I try to ask three questions about them and what they’re doing for every one “I” statement that I make. I’m not always perfect with this, but I’ve learned that if I ask folks about themselves, and then can really listen to their answers, conversations flow more readily, relationships develop more naturally and I’m a more likable guy :o) Thanks for getting this conversation started!
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Hi Jon!! Thanks so much for the awesome feedback (twice = rockstar!) … I think this message is so important and poweful. Whether we listen or not seperates the good from the great! Sounds like your in the great category!! Nice! I agree, this is an important conversation… so pass the message along and stay connected!
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A few simple things I am doing to train myself (I am still a “work in progress”) –
– when I ask someone “How are you today?”, I actually STOP to look at that person and wait for their response, as opposed to racing by them without hearing what they had to say.
– eye contact. One can fake listening and nodding/grunting at the right time and the right place but one cannot fake interest and engagement in their eyes. Look at the person you are listening to and remember that they will recognize a blank stare.
– simple and plain “just zip it” rule – when you ask the question, you listen to the answer and not answer your own questions. when asked a question – then it’s your turn to volunteer information.
Thank you for sharing the post, Judi!-
Hi Inga! Thanks so much for reading and for taking the time to leave this awesome feedback. I really like your 3 things … my favorite is the first one … such a good idea … I will start using it myself! Listening is so critcal … so these tips are a great addition to the list. Be welll and come back again! Love the feedback.
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