10 ways to deal with difficult people and fight off negativity!

Difficult people.  Negative People.  The “Debbie Downers”.   We all have them in our lives.  Whether it’s a family member, a co-worker, a friend or a boss … difficult people can turn a perfectly great day into a dramatic experience without any warning or reason.

There is no better way to explain or call out this type of bad behavior like SNL did with the creation of the “Debbie Downer” sketch.  It’s by far one of the best sketch’s SNL has ever written and the fact that the cast can’t get through it without laughing makes it even better … check it out here:

Difficult people are out there and it’s critical that we figure out a way to combat the negativity.  Most importantly, the way we deal with them can effect our job, our advancement and even our health.

I actually have a couple difficult people lurking around in my life right now:

• The “Debbie Downer” who always has an issue.   This person constantly has a problem.  An ailment.  A struggle.  A complaint.  It’s painful talking to this person and I am always looking for ways to avoid interacting with them.
• Then there is the big bully.  This person is really aggressive.  Always has to be right.  Constantly interrupts people and will talk about EVERYONE behind their backs.

So …. what do you do with people like this?

When someone repeatedly drains everyone around them, how do you maintain a sense of compassion without getting sucked into their doom? And how do you act in a way that doesn’t reinforce their negativity?

Here are some tactics I use and thinks I’ve learned to help me deal with the difficult people:

1. Remember that most of the time it’s not personal, but sometimes it IS  – The typical rule of thumb suggests that you should never take things personally when you deal with a negative person. I think it’s a little more complicated than that. You can’t write off everything someone says about you just because the person is insensitive or tactless.  Be calm.  Stay positive.  If it really is personal, remember, it’s THEIR issue not yours.  You can never control people, places or things.  Keep calm and carry on.
2. Ask questions – Difficult people often have strong opinions. Sometimes they’re right, but other times they might be wrong. And when they’re wrong, a more effective way to point this out is to ask questions rather than to make statements. By asking questions, you might be able to help the person recognize the issues in his or her own position, with less risk of a confrontation.
3. Have compassion– It’s hard to do this if you already have someone pegged to being a jerk or difficult. Even if it seems unlikely someone will wake up one day and act differently, we have to remember it is possible.  Try coming at them with the positive mindset you wish they had. Expect the best in them. You never know when you might be pleasantly surprised.
4. Have supporting evidence – Have you been in a meeting (or talking with someone) and your trying to make a point but getting major resistance from the “difficult person”? I suggest making sure you have written documentation that supports your claims.  Be buttoned up so you can’t get thrown.  You will have far more credibility if you can point to something that supports your choice.
5. Use “I” instead of “You” – Using a statement that contains “I” involves less risk than a statement that contains “you.” For instance, instead of saying, “You never sent me that email,” consider saying, “I never received that email.”  It will sound less accusatory.
6. Turn the tables – Difficult people like to take the offensive, and they like to put other people on the defensive. Try turning the tables on that person. For example, if someone says, “We can’t do that,” ask, “What CAN you do?” If that person says, “We can’t be ready by that date,” ask “When CAN you be ready?”.
7. Be assertive not obnoxious – Simply state your reasons and arguments, and do not attack the other person. You need not be a doormat, but you also don’t want to be as rude as the other person is being. Simply stick to your facts and your arguments and remain professional.
8. Stay positive – be so energetic and positive around them that A) they can’t help but smile or B) your happiness annoys them even more and they will at least leave you alone.
9. Hang out in groups – Have someone else around when dealing with the difficult people in your life. In fact, the more people, the better. This way, the negative energy is divided between you and the other members, and you don’t have to bear the full brunt of the negative energy.
10. Be mindful of the time you spend with them – You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.  Think about the times you hang out with negative people – Do you feel more positive or negative after that? Same for positive people – How do you feel after spending some time with them? If you feel certain people in your life are negative, then be conscious of how much time you’re spending with them.  If they don’t make you feel good, learn to say no and don’t hang with them.

What things do you do in your life to deal with the difficult people?

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