Let’s first be clear.
You will never get rid of your fear.
Fear is a necessary part of life.
Here’s why:
A. First, it keeps you safe … from walking out into traffic, from getting eaten by coyotes, from eating poisonous food … this list could go on and on. Plus, think of the “fearless” people you know … most of them are 5 year old children or crazy sociopaths (thank you Elizabeth Gilbert as written in Big Magic) … and I don’t think you really want to be either of them.
Am I right?
B. Second, fear is an incredible compass. In most cases, the thing you are afraid of is the thing you need to do the most. Speaking, having a tough conversation, asking for the raise, leaving the bad relationship, quitting the bad habit.
Inside all that stuff lives fear.
And fear is comfy. He loves it there. He’s been living there, in those kind of situations, for so long that he knows all the neighbors, he’s a regular at the bars, and he never intends to sell the house.
So you … have to figure out how to make it work.
And there’s only one real way.
You must make fear your homeboy.
You must become BFF’s with it.
You must dance with it.
This is how you become more brave.
This is how you get stuff done.
This is how you fight your fear.
Here are some ways you can make fear your homeboy:
1. Read War of Art. This book changed the game for me and ultimately changed the way I think about and handle my fear. It’s a workbook, a manual, a bible on fear. It’s an incredible tool to start understanding your fear and what it really is.
2. Feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s like going the to gym. You only get fit if you lift weights, do the cardio, and put the time in. Same with fear. You only get brave the more you do brave things.
3. Think of the Worst Case Scenario. Here’s something that helps me: If I’m freaked out about something, say it’s getting stuck in an elevator because I’m claustrophobic (this is true by the way) before I get into the elevator I think, what’s the worst thing that could happen … I’ll get stuck … I’ll have to wait … I’ll be bored … but I’ll be ok.
4. Use Mel Robbins 5, 4, 3, 2,1 exercise. Watch THIS TED Talk to see what I’m talking about. Mel is a bad ass and this tip is a game changer for fear.
5. Fear is like giving birth. It feels impossible and scary, then you remember that women have been pulling it off 50 million years, with and without support. (Thank you for that #micdrop moment Steve Pressfield)
6. Know the triggers. Things like self doubt, procrastination, perfection, self-sabotage are all in fears squad. The second you feel those things bubbling up … know it is the resistance (read war of art!) all of which want to stop you from doing the awesome thing that will make you even more amazing. That’s fears job. To stop you and make you second guess yourself. And never forget: Fear is strongest at the finish line!
Fear sucks, yes.
Fear is scary, yes.
Fear is annoying, yes.
But fear … it’s not going anywhere … you have to learn how to live with it.
And by making it your homeboy, rather than striving to be be fearless … you can build a live of courage and change the world.
Made with Love,
